Letter from 2016 in Obama’s America

[Note: Last week Focus on the Family shared with us a sage and sobering letter from the future: 2012 to be exact. Perhaps because the news was too depressing to share, they neglected to also release the sequel--a letter from 2016 (after Obama's second term as president), written by someone named Ryan Hamm (rhamm05@yahoo.com). I have that letter here. It's your Christian and civic duty to read it... ]

October 29, 2016

Dear friends,

Remember the words of the classic American hymn, “The Angry American (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue)?” Think on these lyrics:

And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
‘Cause we’ll put a boot in your a**
It’s the American way.

While Christians have always rejected Brother Keith’s use of an expletive, the sentiments he expressed were certainly biblical. The USA was put on this earth by God to protect people and to be the New Covenant Nation. Well, brothers and sisters: I regret to say that this song may no longer be true. It is no longer the “American way” to defend freedom, liberty, and Jesus. No, in this, the eighth year of Chairman Obama’s administration (he took on the name “Chairman” in the “Mao-Rocks-My-Face-Off Act” of 2014), the American way is perversion, anti-family, anti-gun, environmentalist, pro-welfare, and pro-every-possible-sin-in-Leviticus-you-can-find.

Here is but a smattering of the many egregious measures Obama has taken as president over the past 8 years.

1. Family issues
Chairman Obama has begun the logical conclusion to his anti-life platform: Baby work camps. Yes, every child under the age of 2 is now taken from his or her mother, placed in an internment camp, and forced to crawl on a little hamster wheel to generate electrical power. Obama touts this plan as “clean energy”—in reality, it is an anti-family policy from the pits of Hell.

In the 7th year of the Obama adminstration, abortion doctors were given “attaboy” pensions—$6 million dollars in “wealthy-white-people” taxes—for performing abortions. Around the same time, Planned Parenthood (now a federally funded agency under the Department of Defense) began hosting “abortion parties” where every time an abortion is performed, there is a party with a taped greeting and congratulatory message from Chairman Obama.

2. Supreme Court
In 2014, Clarence Thomas stepped down after Ariana Huffington (now the Secretary of Blogs) accused him of “not being black enough.” Obama then nominated radical lesbian activist Rosie O’Donnell to replace him, and she was approved unanimously by the overwhelmingly Democratic Senate. The liberals now have a 8-1 advantage on the highest court in the land.

Because of this, the non-believing Democratic liberals have pushed through their radical agenda. In keeping with the destruction of the FCC (God’s way of keeping us from using bad words) and the War on ChristmasTM, the Supreme Court passed the “XMas Act of 2013″, outlawing the word “Christmas” and changing the official name to XMas—made worse one year later when, under incredible pressure from the Hefner family, they changed the holiday to “XXXMas” and made it a celebration officially sponsored by the adult film industry. Chairman Obama said “I didn’t know it would come to this, but I’m just upholding the law.”

3. Homosexuality and Sexual Perversion
In 2012, public pornography became rampant. Well, brothers and sisters, I’m grieved to report that, in 2016, matters are even worse. Public nudity became standard under the “Clothes? Who Needs ‘Em Act” of 2015 and people began to copulate in public. In early 2016, under the “Natural=Same Act,” public homosexual fornication became the law of the land, and heterosexual reproductive activity was officially confined to procreation centers. Again, Chairman Obama objected on a personal level, saying “Michelle and I have always thought that procreation was a natural part of marriage, but the Supreme court knows better. I trust Chief Justice O’Donnell’s judgment in this matter.”

Homosexuals are also sure to control the country for many years to come thanks to the new “Gay? You Can Vote Twice” law passed by congress in 2013.

In perhaps the most flagrant abuse of God’s law, Vice-Chairman Biden married a goat in a civil ceremony recognized by the ultra-leftist court. In the “Biden vs. Crazy-Right-Wing-Nuts-Who-Don’t-Recognize-Animal-Rights” decision, Justice Souter (now aged 106) wrote in the majority opinion, “I [expletive] totally support it if Joe [expletive] Biden wants to [expletive] marry a goat. If you don’t [expletive] like it, [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]. It is the decision of this court that all who oppose Biden’s [expletive] marriage will be sent to a [expletive] island and will be forced to wear scarlet M’s for ‘Meanie.’ [Expletive].” As you can see, language has also taken a sharp turn to the left.

4. Social issues
In keeping with his radical weapons policy, Chairman Obama signed into law the “Sharp Pointy Objects Act of 2013,” outlawing all sharp sticks, knives, and razor blades.

After years of murmurings from the Treasury Department that bar code forehead implants would replace all cash, it finally happened in 2015. Now, all citizens are required to have a unique bar code installed beneath the skin of their forehead, used for all payment and identification purposes.

Illegal immigrants are given a special place of honor in the new America. There are now 7 official languages in the United States besides English (none of them Hebrew or biblical Greek, so they aren’t really “languages” so much as “garbled American-English”).

New environmental initiatives have made the water cleaner, the air cleaner, and corporations responsible for their spills, thanks to market-driven efforts headed by consumer advocacy groups. The North Pole has been mostly restored and the hole in the ozone is mostly gone. We know as believers that this is NOT God’s best—his plan is to slowly destroy the earth via our pollution and then take all of us away to meet him in the sky before the really bad stuff happens.

5. Foreign Policy
Just last month, Chairman Obama rode a pig into the temple in Jerusalem because of the Supreme Court’s recent “Executive Pork-Riding Legislation” saying “I’m just supporting their law, not my own convictions. I don’t even eat meat.” This backs up the reputable claim that Obama is, in fact, the Beast out of the Earth.

In 2014, the EU outlawed any mention of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or Michael W. Smith. The remaining Christians in the United States put up a fuss, but Chairman Obama said “As the United States, we cannot put pressure on any place that would seek to explore their individual spirituality in whatever way they would choose.”

The Department of Homeland Security was abolished in 2013 and replaced by “The Department of Inclusive Peacemaking.” Michelle Obama heads this new department, which includes mandatory terrorist appreciation and training courses in all public schools. Chairman Obama has taken on a second wife, sister of Osama Bin Laden, in order to “cement the bond between our two communities.”

***

It came as no surprise, then, when in 2012 the Obamas converted from “Christianity” to Baal Worship, and created new “pagan holidays” wherein Americans are required to take off work to fornicate and drink “blood martinis,” a drink invented in the West Hollywood gay goth community circa 2010.

Brothers and sisters, you can see how bad it has gotten. And yet, we have the Christians of 2008 to thank for these events. Some Christians thoughtfully voted for McCain, realizing that his policies most closely matched their own convictions. We don’t care why they voted for McCain, of course, just that they did. Other Christians prayerfully cast their vote for Chairman Obama, sure that his policies were closer to their Christian convictions, unaware that he was so clearly the pawn of Satan. I would never say that those Christians lost their salvation for Democrats—but I would think it.

Now I’m just holding out hope that the Rapture will happen before too long. According to the pre-trib, pre-millennial chart I have on my wall, Gabriel’s mouth is close to the horn. Take heart my brothers and sisters. And remember: Enjoy America’s dominance and, in the words of Prophet Toby Keith, embrace “the American Way.”

Reclaiming America for Jesus (and for James Dobson),

-A Christian from 2016

P.S. Confused? Don’t be.

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31 responses to “Letter from 2016 in Obama’s America

  1. This post was completely unnecessary. I already knew I love Ryan Hamm.

  2. Well alright. I’ll admit it, I am glad about the Focus on the Family Action letter floating around pointing out potential consequences of an Obama Presidency. I don’t believe it is fearmongering. I believe it is a creative representation of the ultimate conclusions of Obama’s worldview, although I don’t know if those types of things could really happen in only 4 years. Ya never know.

    That being said, this post is hysterical. I had a good chuckle. I do think that Christians forget: Prayer works, doing what is right works, evil cannot ultimately prevail. There is always hope, even if Obama is elected.

    :-)

    As for me? I’m going with McCain.

  3. I don’t believe it is fearmongering

    Wait, really? Four U.S. cities have been subject to terrorist attacks, Iran has nuked Israel, and you don’t think it’s fearmongering?

  4. Your hipster irony is very, very funny. Great post!

  5. Pingback: A Letter From 2012 « Pondering Wanderer

  6. Tim,

    How is it fear-mongering if BO’s own running mate is saying some of the same things?

  7. It would still be fearmongering even if Joe Biden was saying some of the same things. Fearmongering is the use of fear to leverage the opinions and actions of others towards some end. So if Joe Biden was saying the same things, it would be the opposite of fearmongering, unless his intention is to get people not to vote for Obama. But even then, I don’t understand how that would disqualify the FotF letter from leveraging fear for political goals.

  8. Oh, I see. So it is okay if Biden does it, but not if James Dobson does. I get it. Thank you for clarifying.

  9. Oh, dear…

    Luke, I’m sure you’re a very bright man. So I’m also sure that your alleged “confusion” and “question” were not real questions.

    Still, in the interest of telling the truth, I’ll clarify:

    Joe Biden said that the next president would be tested. So did Joe Lieberman (in fact, that was one of the reasons Joe Lieberman used for supporting McCain). I think it’s a basic point of fact that new presidents face challenges, and I don’t think anyone doubts that our next Commander in Chief will be tested, regardless of who it is.

    The question is not who will be tested. The question is who is best equipped to respond to the challenge. And I’ll be frank: Barack Obama is a stronger Christian than John McCain, and I believe he lives his life in a more honorable and Christlike way than McCain. So, I think Dobson and Focus Action were totally off base to send out that kind of letter.

    Biden also said that Obama has “steel in his spine” and noted the way that Obama successfully faced the challenge in a very tough presidential primary. Bear in mind that Biden watched Obama grow, develop, and face testing throughout 20+ presidential debates, a very tough primary campaign, and the testing and vetting of the media over 20+ months.

    By comparison, McCain has received a free pass – despite the fact that McCain is an adulterer, a divorcee, and a total klutz when it comes to his experience as a Navy pilot. McCain himself said to supporters that he didn’t really “love America until I was deprived of her company.” McCain is a brat, a spoilsport, and a jerk. He might be a good prison agitator, but I have yet to see him carry out a single executive function in his political career. What has John McCain ever run in his life? Nothing. He was born with a silver spoon in his mouth and he even describes himself as “the luckiest man in the world.” And he knows about lucky – he is an avid craps player who has gambled away hundreds of thousands of dollars.

    I cannot understand why any person of faith would support John McCain.

  10. I feel like I should jump in here before things get out of hand…

    First, Luke, yes, the FotFA (don’t forget the A! It’s the “Action” that lets the parent company stay tax-exempt…believe me, I checked) letter is total fear-mongering. What Biden said was just a statement about what might happen in an Obama presidency–presumably, he made that statement precisely because he believes Obama is equipped to handle that situation. The FotFA letter is suggesting much the opposite–they’re postulating that Obama’s foreign policy decisions will lead to many foreign and international disasters. Additionally, much of their foreign policy “hypothesis” find their root in dispensational theologies made popular in the 60’s and 70’s–how do I know this? Because I lived in fear of these events for most of my childhood. To use this kind of pseudo-apocalyptic language is not only wrong–it’s also dangerous and offensive.

    Benintn, the tone of your post concerns me. While I agree with you about the difference between Biden’s statements and FotFA’s, I would caution you to not give into the same sort of “all-or-nothing” philosophies and theologies that Focus has so notably propogated. Your final statement (“I cannot understand why any person of faith would support John McCain”) is particularly worrisome. I’m not voting for McCain, but I have plenty of friends who are thoughtful Christians and sincerely seeking to follow Christ who will cast a vote for the Republican Senator. To put these matters in such stark relief is to give into the very rubbish that I was trying to mock–that there’s “one way” Christians ought to vote, or “one issue” they should worry about, or “one person” they should listen to.

    In any case, I would humbly suggest this: FotFA’s letter was equally as offensive to McCain supporters as Obama’s, because it assumes they are voting for McCain out of deep-seated fear, for only one or two reasons, and for reasons that have more to do with Far Right, knee-jerk ideology than with thoughtful consideration of the issues. It is up to Christians to reject such notions–to accept that Christians can encompass a wide-ranging group of political beliefs while stilling calling one another brother and sister. Sure, it sounds utopian. But I think (hope?) it’s also the Kingdom of Heaven breaking in.

  11. Okay Ben.

    Joe Biden did say that the new President would be tested. Have you read/heard the rest of his remarks? He said that “we’re gonna need you to use your influence, your influence within the community, to stand with him. Because it’s not gonna be apparent initially, it’s not gonna be apparent that we’re right.” Huh? How is Biden this amazingly prescient? The guy can’t even remember his own stance on clean coal.

    Then he goes on to state, “Because if you think the decision is sound when they’re made, which I believe you will when they’re made, they’re not likely to be as popular as they are sound. Because if they’re popular, they’re probably not sound.” By his own Biden-esque logic, a decision to vote for Obama (definitely the more popular choice) is not sound.

    But he wasn’t done, “We do not have the military capacity, nor have we ever, quite frankly, in the last 20 years, to dictate outcomes.” We have the most sophisticated and battle-hardened troops the word has ever seen and we don’t have the ability to dictate outcomes?

    My point is that Biden was using the same tactic that the letter from FotF was using. Reading the signs around us and interpreting them to mean that we need (or don’t need) to elect Obama as President. Just two sides of the same coin. I don’t know why I’m surprised about the double-standard being applied. It has been applied this entire election.

    I’m not exactly sure how we got onto this topic, but you are free to opine that BO is a “stronger Christian” than John McCain. Do you have any criteria for backing up this claim? You label McCain as an adulterer and divorcee and a klutz (apparently ejecting from an airplane that was shot down is clumsy) because of mistakes he has made in his past. Mistakes which he regrets and has apologized for. You must surely label Barack a druggie then too, right? A pothead? A coke-head maybe? Or do the same standards not apply to The One in this situation either?

    I’m also not sure exactly how you describe a free pass. Maybe being tortured for 6 years after your arms and one leg are fractured ejecting from a plane? Is that the free pass? Maybe never seeing your father growing up because he was commanding all of American armed forces in the Pacific Theatre? McCain has said many times that he really fell in love with his country when he lost her, yes. What was he doing up until that point when he lost her? He was serving his country and protecting American interests and lives abroad. How selfish of him.

    What has McCain ever run in his life? How about being a Lieutenant Commander in the Navy and commanding an entire squardon of troops? Again, probably doesn’t count, right? Barack is a leader because he has “led his campaign” and he “organized in the community”. What was at stake in these “leadership opportunities”? Lives? National security?

    “I cannot understand why any person of faith would support John McCain.” And now I fully understand why you don’t. You are obviously able to look at Senator McCain from a more enlightened and holy perspective than I (or the majority of Christians in this country) can. Thanks for setting me straight, Ben.

  12. Luke,

    The FotF letter is still fearmongering even if Joe Biden, Barack Obama, Santa Claus, Chelsea Clinton, the Pope, and Will Smith all say things that are fearmongering. What anyone else does is not an excuse for what they did.

  13. Thanks, Ryan, for jumping in and clarifying/cautioning as you did. Even if I don’t agree with you politically, I agree with your stance and attitude that we should be Christians first, especially in how we treat brothers and sisters who we may disagree with. And the above letter is a riot! I wonder why I (we?) find such extreme things so funny?

  14. I second Luke with respect to benintn. McCain has called himself a jerk with respect to his divorce, but I think that he has redeemed himself. In no way do I believe that John McCain has received a “free pass”: The benintns of the world are constantly reminding us of his failures and flaws. (Similarly, find me an online story about Cindy McCain without a comment calling her a thief, drug addict, Stepford wife, etc.)

    I don’t believe that Obama is a stronger Christian than McCain. I don’t know that either one of them is a strong Christian. With the millions that he has made from his memoirs, has Obama tried to help his half brother, George, who lives in poverty in Kenya? Or his poor relatives in this country? I do remember when John Edwards appeared to be a decent family man and all that jazz.

    Anyway, I’m a person of faith for McCain, whether or not anyone understands it.

    PS The word “divorcee” usually means a divorced woman.

  15. Wow, Ryan, this is my first time to your site. Funny letter, though disturbing at points. And I really appreciate your comments and “jumping in.” It’s cool to see that some people are still capable of rational, balanced dialogue… especially someone with enough wit to write the above letter. Rock on!

  16. I love this post. I don’t care what the crazy people say.

  17. I’m not gonna lie… my friend and I were discussing the idea to making a movie to FotF(A)’s letter from 2012. We were going to call it, Planet of the Democrats… basically what Ryan was saying in an intense action movie form. Hopefully I can write it out at some point, but Ryan, you hit it on the nose. I’m a Christian that’s heavily focused on who Jesus is, sometimes to the point where I don’t want to call myself a Christian because of its association with not being of Jesus. But you hit the point that we are called to love and to seek truth… The truth is, Biden Liberman and FotF(A) were fear mongering and a lot of other people on both sies of the spectrum do it… It really sucks that it’s such an effective way to sway minds… The truth is, no matter who we vote for, it’s up to Christians to do love and promote the change we seek for, not the law… No real change ever came from force *emphasis on real?. In my opinion (and I guess that it might mean nothin to you) we are called to inspire change and that we can’t rely on a law to do that. It involves more effort and love on our part but that is what we are called to do.

    I guess I’m saying that we can’t vote on Jesus… We can’t put our hope in an impersonal law to inspire personal change. It take relationship and love on our part, so this political doomsday picture wouldn’t happen because a) it’s stupid and b) if we are doing our jobs right, loving people, it would never come to completion…

    again, just my opinion

  18. also i’m for surely not voting mccain… but I might not vote obama either… *dun dun DUN*
    my reasons are political
    and both canidates are respectable people (none of us can say who is more christian, it’s not up to us to say)

  19. lol, i guess i just want to say great post it provided a good chuckle

  20. Charlotte Schmitt

    To all the fearmongers out there–including James Dobson—–
    Here comes the bottom line. “Thou shall not bear false witness.” Did you ever have that done to you? Not very much fun. I am a Charismatic, tongue speaking Christian of 25 years who voted for Obama. He probably would be surprised that he got my vote. I am totally, completely ashamed of the James Dobson letter and ashamed of my fellow Christians who think they can predict the future and name the anti-Christ at the same time.
    The satirical letter describing 2016 made me feel a lot better.

  21. Another interesting (and humorous) post about the current political environment, Brett!

    On a fairly random note, I would like to point out to everyone that “fear mongering” is, in fact, two words.

  22. Oh my word. This is FUNNY. So very funny.

    Ryan, you should totally work at Focus on the Family. You’re a natural!!

  23. Fear-Monger sounds like a marvel super villan

  24. On a fairly random note, I would like to point out to everyone that “fear mongering” is, in fact, two words.

    I would like to have an argument regarding prescriptivist v. descriptivist usage.

  25. Pingback: Response to James Dobson’s “Letter from 2012 in Obama’s America” « Blue in Green: meditations on faith and culture

  26. oh, I so love this post. personal fave would be the hamster wheel comment.

  27. They lost me at “Brother Keith.”

    Unless it’s ironically saying exactly the opposite of what it’s pretending to say?

  28. Pingback: The Last Adam » Abosultely Outrageous

  29. you are an idiot

  30. I understand this is satire but generally satire exposes the flaws of a society, not the flaws of the ignorant and bigoted author….

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