Letter from 2016 in Obama’s America

[Note: Last week Focus on the Family shared with us a sage and sobering letter from the future: 2012 to be exact. Perhaps because the news was too depressing to share, they neglected to also release the sequel–a letter from 2016 (after Obama’s second term as president), written by someone named Ryan Hamm (rhamm05@yahoo.com). I have that letter here. It’s your Christian and civic duty to read it… ]

October 29, 2016

Dear friends,

Remember the words of the classic American hymn, “The Angry American (Courtesy of the Red, White, and Blue)?” Think on these lyrics:

And you’ll be sorry that you messed with
The U.S. of A.
‘Cause we’ll put a boot in your a**
It’s the American way.

While Christians have always rejected Brother Keith’s use of an expletive, the sentiments he expressed were certainly biblical. The USA was put on this earth by God to protect people and to be the New Covenant Nation. Well, brothers and sisters: I regret to say that this song may no longer be true. It is no longer the “American way” to defend freedom, liberty, and Jesus. No, in this, the eighth year of Chairman Obama’s administration (he took on the name “Chairman” in the “Mao-Rocks-My-Face-Off Act” of 2014), the American way is perversion, anti-family, anti-gun, environmentalist, pro-welfare, and pro-every-possible-sin-in-Leviticus-you-can-find.

Here is but a smattering of the many egregious measures Obama has taken as president over the past 8 years.

1. Family issues
Chairman Obama has begun the logical conclusion to his anti-life platform: Baby work camps. Yes, every child under the age of 2 is now taken from his or her mother, placed in an internment camp, and forced to crawl on a little hamster wheel to generate electrical power. Obama touts this plan as “clean energy”—in reality, it is an anti-family policy from the pits of Hell.

In the 7th year of the Obama adminstration, abortion doctors were given “attaboy” pensions—$6 million dollars in “wealthy-white-people” taxes—for performing abortions. Around the same time, Planned Parenthood (now a federally funded agency under the Department of Defense) began hosting “abortion parties” where every time an abortion is performed, there is a party with a taped greeting and congratulatory message from Chairman Obama.

2. Supreme Court
In 2014, Clarence Thomas stepped down after Ariana Huffington (now the Secretary of Blogs) accused him of “not being black enough.” Obama then nominated radical lesbian activist Rosie O’Donnell to replace him, and she was approved unanimously by the overwhelmingly Democratic Senate. The liberals now have a 8-1 advantage on the highest court in the land.

Because of this, the non-believing Democratic liberals have pushed through their radical agenda. In keeping with the destruction of the FCC (God’s way of keeping us from using bad words) and the War on Christmas^TM, the Supreme Court passed the “XMas Act of 2013”, outlawing the word “Christmas” and changing the official name to XMas—made worse one year later when, under incredible pressure from the Hefner family, they changed the holiday to “XXXMas” and made it a celebration officially sponsored by the adult film industry. Chairman Obama said “I didn’t know it would come to this, but I’m just upholding the law.”

3. Homosexuality and Sexual Perversion
In 2012, public pornography became rampant. Well, brothers and sisters, I’m grieved to report that, in 2016, matters are even worse. Public nudity became standard under the “Clothes? Who Needs ‘Em Act” of 2015 and people began to copulate in public. In early 2016, under the “Natural=Same Act,” public homosexual fornication became the law of the land, and heterosexual reproductive activity was officially confined to procreation centers. Again, Chairman Obama objected on a personal level, saying “Michelle and I have always thought that procreation was a natural part of marriage, but the Supreme court knows better. I trust Chief Justice O’Donnell’s judgment in this matter.”

Homosexuals are also sure to control the country for many years to come thanks to the new “Gay? You Can Vote Twice” law passed by congress in 2013.

In perhaps the most flagrant abuse of God’s law, Vice-Chairman Biden married a goat in a civil ceremony recognized by the ultra-leftist court. In the “Biden vs. Crazy-Right-Wing-Nuts-Who-Don’t-Recognize-Animal-Rights” decision, Justice Souter (now aged 106) wrote in the majority opinion, “I [expletive] totally support it if Joe [expletive] Biden wants to [expletive] marry a goat. If you don’t [expletive] like it, [expletive] [expletive] [expletive]. It is the decision of this court that all who oppose Biden’s [expletive] marriage will be sent to a [expletive] island and will be forced to wear scarlet M’s for ‘Meanie.’ [Expletive].” As you can see, language has also taken a sharp turn to the left.

4. Social issues
In keeping with his radical weapons policy, Chairman Obama signed into law the “Sharp Pointy Objects Act of 2013,” outlawing all sharp sticks, knives, and razor blades.

After years of murmurings from the Treasury Department that bar code forehead implants would replace all cash, it finally happened in 2015. Now, all citizens are required to have a unique bar code installed beneath the skin of their forehead, used for all payment and identification purposes.

Illegal immigrants are given a special place of honor in the new America. There are now 7 official languages in the United States besides English (none of them Hebrew or biblical Greek, so they aren’t really “languages” so much as “garbled American-English”).

New environmental initiatives have made the water cleaner, the air cleaner, and corporations responsible for their spills, thanks to market-driven efforts headed by consumer advocacy groups. The North Pole has been mostly restored and the hole in the ozone is mostly gone. We know as believers that this is NOT God’s best—his plan is to slowly destroy the earth via our pollution and then take all of us away to meet him in the sky before the really bad stuff happens.

5. Foreign Policy
Just last month, Chairman Obama rode a pig into the temple in Jerusalem because of the Supreme Court’s recent “Executive Pork-Riding Legislation” saying “I’m just supporting their law, not my own convictions. I don’t even eat meat.” This backs up the reputable claim that Obama is, in fact, the Beast out of the Earth.

In 2014, the EU outlawed any mention of God, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, or Michael W. Smith. The remaining Christians in the United States put up a fuss, but Chairman Obama said “As the United States, we cannot put pressure on any place that would seek to explore their individual spirituality in whatever way they would choose.”

The Department of Homeland Security was abolished in 2013 and replaced by “The Department of Inclusive Peacemaking.” Michelle Obama heads this new department, which includes mandatory terrorist appreciation and training courses in all public schools. Chairman Obama has taken on a second wife, sister of Osama Bin Laden, in order to “cement the bond between our two communities.”

***

It came as no surprise, then, when in 2012 the Obamas converted from “Christianity” to Baal Worship, and created new “pagan holidays” wherein Americans are required to take off work to fornicate and drink “blood martinis,” a drink invented in the West Hollywood gay goth community circa 2010.

Brothers and sisters, you can see how bad it has gotten. And yet, we have the Christians of 2008 to thank for these events. Some Christians thoughtfully voted for McCain, realizing that his policies most closely matched their own convictions. We don’t care why they voted for McCain, of course, just that they did. Other Christians prayerfully cast their vote for Chairman Obama, sure that his policies were closer to their Christian convictions, unaware that he was so clearly the pawn of Satan. I would never say that those Christians lost their salvation for Democrats—but I would think it.

Now I’m just holding out hope that the Rapture will happen before too long. According to the pre-trib, pre-millennial chart I have on my wall, Gabriel’s mouth is close to the horn. Take heart my brothers and sisters. And remember: Enjoy America’s dominance and, in the words of Prophet Toby Keith, embrace “the American Way.”

Reclaiming America for Jesus (and for James Dobson),

-A Christian from 2016

P.S. Confused? Don’t be.